Okay so I'm in the Philippines right now... but boy, I've made some huge discoveries during my stay.
One thing I kinda already knew but recently became clear to me is my fear of intimacy. And for you ghetto-ass folks out there or for those who just dont understand intimacy, here's a brief lesson.
Intimacy is not FUCKING! Intimacy is not just about sex or sexuality. Intimacy is a deep... almost spiritual connection with someone else. Sure, sex/making love can be a way to share intimacy with another person, but its not limited to that. Intimacy is sharing ALL of who you are with someone else... be it a bf or gf, or your god or some higher power. Being intimate means there are no holds barred and you lay it all on the line.
That's what scares me. Because in the past few years, I've been very selective about who I let "in" and have done a fantastic job at keeping everyone else a safe distance away. I mean look at who my close friends are. Trish, Chris, Jelyn, Sherwin... to name a few... all either unavailable, or just simply not the gender I'm interested in. lol!
Everyone else, all the other women that have come into my life, as much as I hate to admit this, I've done a pretty big amount of sabotaging any chance of being close and intimate with them. Why? To put it simply, I've been scared. That on top of the whole priesthood thing, just ensured that nobody would get in.
I lost my train of thought. I'm sitting here in a cyber cafe in the Philippines and its hard to concentrate. I'll continue this again another time. Take care all, and God bless you!
One thing I kinda already knew but recently became clear to me is my fear of intimacy. And for you ghetto-ass folks out there or for those who just dont understand intimacy, here's a brief lesson.
Intimacy is not FUCKING! Intimacy is not just about sex or sexuality. Intimacy is a deep... almost spiritual connection with someone else. Sure, sex/making love can be a way to share intimacy with another person, but its not limited to that. Intimacy is sharing ALL of who you are with someone else... be it a bf or gf, or your god or some higher power. Being intimate means there are no holds barred and you lay it all on the line.
That's what scares me. Because in the past few years, I've been very selective about who I let "in" and have done a fantastic job at keeping everyone else a safe distance away. I mean look at who my close friends are. Trish, Chris, Jelyn, Sherwin... to name a few... all either unavailable, or just simply not the gender I'm interested in. lol!
Everyone else, all the other women that have come into my life, as much as I hate to admit this, I've done a pretty big amount of sabotaging any chance of being close and intimate with them. Why? To put it simply, I've been scared. That on top of the whole priesthood thing, just ensured that nobody would get in.
I lost my train of thought. I'm sitting here in a cyber cafe in the Philippines and its hard to concentrate. I'll continue this again another time. Take care all, and God bless you!
